GREEK LIFE by D. Skiles TEASER OPEN EXT. STREET - EARTH PRIME - SUNSET The sun is just beginning to set. Our four sliders walk out into the middle of the road, preparing. DIANA (holding up the timer) One minute, guys. Rembrandt looks around at the his surroundings. Despite their demolished appearance, his face seems satisfied. He takes a deep breath, and sighs. REMBRANDT Wonder how long it'll be before I'm back here again. MRS. MALLORY (off-screen) Not long, I hope... Rembrandt turns to regard her. She is now on-screen. MRS. MALLORY I'll miss all of you. Including you, Mr. Brown. Rembrandt smiles at her, walking up to her, shaking his head. REMBRANDT You don't even know me. She shrugs. MRS. MALLORY You're Quinn's friend, you're Mallory's friend, you're Maggie's friend... she told me so much about you while you were here, saving us from those monsters. I feel like I know you. By what she said... and by the company you keep. He grins broadly and gives her shoulder a light pat. Maggie walks up to them from behind him. MAGGIE We'll be back before you know it. They embrace, and, over Mrs. Mallory's shoulder, Maggie whispers... MAGGIE (whispering) And we'll have Quinn and Colin with us. As they separate, Mrs. Mallory stares hopefully into Maggie's eyes. MRS. MALLORY I hope you're right. Really... I do. Maggie smiles confidently for a moment before speaking. MAGGIE So, what'll you do here? MRS. MALLORY Oh, don't worry, I'll keep busy. It's going to take a lot of work to get this world back in order. There's very little economy set up, and food production is at a minimum... the metal plants that still function are all being used for guns and weapons... they'll have to be converted... Rembrandt hits a memory at this. He reacts a little, then smiles. REMBRANDT (smiling) Yeah, I think I saw one of those earlier. Diana turns to them, standing a few yards behind them. DIANA It's time. She hits the button and the swirling orange vortex opens. Diana, races in, followed soon by Mallory. Remmy gives Mrs. Mallory a final smile before running towards it and jumping in. Maggie turns to the vortex, then turns back to Mrs. Mallory. MAGGIE (shouting over the vortex sound) Mom! I was wrong before! (beat) You ARE going to hold your son again... and so am I! Mrs. Mallory only smiles weakly as Maggie runs into the vortex. It holds there for a moment, then closes up, leaving Mrs. Mallory standing in the street. MRS. MALLORY (quietly, to no one) Hurry back. And we pan up... END TEASER OPENING SEQUENCE REMBRANDT What if you found a portal to a parallel universe? What if you could slide into a thousand different worlds? MAGGIE Where it's the same year... DIANA And you're the same person... MALLORY But everything else is different? REMBRANDT And what if you can't find your way home? [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] WHISPER: "Sliders" END OPENING SEQUENCE ACT I OPEN EXT. LAWN OF FRATERNITY HOUSE - SUNSET We pan across the lawn... in the distance, three guys are seen tossing a football between them. We stop on the front porch of the house, which is empty. There's no sound around except for those distant ball-players. Until the vortex opens up above the porch. Diana and Mallory fall out in quick succession, tumbling over each other. Rembrandt comes out and lands on his knees on the concrete porch. Maggie rolls out last. REMBRANDT (getting to his feet) Figures that we'd land on the one patch of concrete in a field of grass! The orange vortex closes up behind them. They all clamor to their feet, step off of the porch and take a quick bead on their surroundings. MALLORY Well, I don't see anything killing anything. A good start. MAGGIE Yeah... everything sure seems... REMBRANDT (interrupting, half chuckling) Don't. A beat. DIANA It looks like the UCLA campus... They look around, spotting the guys off in the distance. After a brief pause while looking in their direction, they start towards the guys, as a flurry of remarks comes out... REMBRANDT Those guys are human, right? DIANA Hard to tell from this distance. MAGGIE They sure seem to have hair. MALLORY Kromaggs don't play football. MAGGIE Or have hair. They stop part of the way there. Rembrandt nods. REMBRANDT Yeah. People. (sighing, he shrugs) Maybe this won't be another pit of death. MALLORY Yeah, let's call it "not-deadly world." DIANA We'll call it that when we're not dead. Mallory shoots her a look. MALLORY Such an optimist. Something suddenly JUMPS OUT from off-camera and bumps into Mallory! He spins, fists raised, to see a young African-American woman holding up her hands in front of her face, cringing. We see that she has a folded paper in one hand. WOMAN Don't shoot! Mallory brings down his fists, and, glancing at one hand momentarily, uncurls it and gives her a friendly wave. MALLORY (smirking) It's not loaded. The woman lowers her hands from her face and calms. We see it's DIANA... or at least her alternate. The group reacts to this, but she doesn't notice. Her eyes dart to each of them, quickly seeking out our own Diana. ALT. DIANA You! (beat, she runs up to Diana) Oh, wow! I was right. You... you're practically ME! Diana smiles weakly and nods a little, looking around for help from her friends on getting out of this situation. The others have myriad reactions -- they roll their eyes, shrug, rub their necks ruefully -- no ideas. ALT. DIANA I saw you! From across the lawn, I mean. (beat, she grins) Oh, WOW! You could be like my twin sister! (she sticks out her hand and shakes Diana's, vigorously) I'm Dee! Well, Diana. But everyone calls me Dee. Well, actually, they called me DeeDee, but then it just kinda turned into Dee, you know? Diana, ever the honest one, shakes her head. DIANA Not really... DEE shrugs. DEE Whatever. (quick beat) So, hey... what's your name? DIANA (eyes darting, stalling) Uuuhhh... Nervously, her eyes dart to each of her friends, finally settling on... DIANA Mallory! Mallory reacts by cringing slightly. Dee is oblivious. DEE Mallory, huh? Oh, just like Michael J. Fox's sister back on that one show! Diana just grins politely and nods. In the background, we see that the rest of the gang is starting to enjoy her discomfort. They're barely keeping themselves from exploding into laughter. At this point, Diana finally notices the paper in her alternate's hand, and decides to attempt to change the subject. DIANA Hey, um, whatcha got there? DEE (holding up the paper) Oh, this? (rolls her eyes) My grades. Transcript. Diana's interest notably perks up. DIANA Can I see? Dee shrugs and flicks her the transcript. Diana looks it over. Her eyes widen slightly. DIANA Oh... god. Mallory visibly cringes again. MALLORY That bad, huh? She hands it back to Dee and shakes her head. DIANA No... The others look at each other, confused. Dee takes the paper back and shoves it her pocket. DIANA How did you... DEE (interrupting) So, hey, you wanna go hang out and grab a drink or something? I always love to get a beer down at the Union. Diana smiles at this. DIANA Sure... just like old times. The others aren't really pleased with this response. Diana notices. DIANA (to Dee) ...just, gimmie a second, okay? Dee nods vigorously, and Diana steps over to her friends, who huddle around her. REMBRANDT What're you... DIANA (interrupting) She's got nearly all A's. (a quick beat as this sinks in) I have to know more. She's overcome the pressure of the courses somehow. She certainly didn't have anyone to motivate her... like... She trails off slightly, distracted. MALLORY Diana, she acts like a complete... DIANA (interrupting) I know, I know! That's why I've got to know what's underneath that. C'mon. A beat. Maggie and Mallory are skeptical, but look to Rembrandt. He sighs. REMBRANDT Okay. But give me the timer. She smiles and pulls it out, giving it to him. He looks it over. REMBRANDT All right, listen. We've got under three hours until the slide. You can go do your thing, but we've gotta meet back somewhere. He slips the timer into his coat. DIANA (quickly) The Chandler, then? They all look to each other. No one objects. REMBRANDT Seems like as good a place as any to wait this world out. (beat) The Chandler... in two hours. DIANA That's it? REMBRANDT It'll have to do. We don't know much about this world yet. We can't afford to risk missing the slide... or, worse yet, losing someone. A beat. Diana nods. Maggie reacts to Rembrandt's words, some sort of pain or discomfort washing over her face. REMBRANDT (continued) After that, we'll head back here, to this field. By the... (he looks up, to a sign hanging over the porch of the building nearby) ...Phi Alpha Theta fraternity, to look for you. It'll be closer by for you and easier to wait for you here. MALLORY And as long as you're... (nodding to Diana) ...going to be hanging with your double, I can catch a quick game of ball. He thumbs towards the three guys just a bit off in the distance still. MALLORY Odd number. They could use the extra man. MAGGIE Mallory, I don't know about that. MALLORY What? It doesn't look like deadly football, does it? They all turn to look at the three guys playing catch. ANGLE ON - FOOTBALL GUYS Who are simply throwing it around innocently. ANGLE ON - SLIDERS They seem satisfied... all except Maggie. MAGGIE Mallory, it's like Remmy said. We can't lose anyone else. MALLORY It's not a threat. If I just play a game with them, they shouldn't treat me any different than they do each other. Maggie turns to Rembrandt for a little help... or at least a conclusion. MAGGIE Rembrandt... Rembrandt rubs his chin, considering this. He comes to a decision. REMBRANDT It seems safe enough. If you stick to the game... and don't get stuck in small talk or follow them out to grab a drink or something... well, it looks like you should be okay. Maggie accepts this and sighs. Mallory rolls his eyes. MALLORY Thanks, dad. REMBRANDT Still... all the more reason for you guys to meet US... (he gestures between him and Maggie) ...in two hours... or we'll come looking for you. Right here at the... (he looks up to the front of the building) ...Phi Alpha Theta fraternity. That way, you won't have to travel as far to catch us if something delays you. They all look at each other. Finally, Mallory and Diana both nod. MALLORY AND DIANA (simultaneously) All right. They shoot each other a glance at this, then turn and head off in opposite directions, off-screen. Rembrandt and Maggie are left standing there, Maggie turning her head back and forth between the directions that Mallory and Diana just walked off in. MAGGIE So what do we do now? Rembrandt turns to regard her. He offers her his arm with a grin. REMBRANDT (grinning) Drink? She smiles and takes his arm as they walk off-screen. ANGLE ON - MALLORY Heading over to the guys. He stops near to them. MALLORY Hey. The three football guys turn. We see now that they all wear Phi Alpha Theta paraphenelia. MALLORY You need an extra guy? The guy in the center, the PHI LEADER as it were, tosses the football a bit, looking at Mallory. He glances to the two guys around him, who nod. PHI LEADER Sure. Join in. Mallory smiles and walks the rest of the way into the game. INT. STUDENT UNION - SUNSET Still rapidly darkening outside, we see Dee walking to a table with Diana close on her heels. Both are holding paper cups with beer in them. We come in on the middle of some dialogue from Dee... DEE (sincerely) ...and so then I pledged the Gamma Gamma Gammas and they took me up in their loving arms. And here I am. DIANA Mmmm. Wonderful. (beat) So, hey, how'd you do it? DEE Do what? Get into the sorority? They both sit down at a table. DIANA No, no. Get those grades. They're... amazing. DEE (giggling) Well, thanks. But it wasn't that hard. DIANA You don't think? I dunno, I mean... when I went through the school, I almost gave up. DEE You did physics? DIANA Yup. DEE Wow. It's really hard... DIANA (suspicious) Wait... I thought you just said it WASN'T that hard? DEE (slowly) Well... I said the grades weren't that hard... but the classes... DIANA (relaxing) Oh, so, you just think the work is really hard, but as long as you keep it up, the grades come easily? DEE Well, not exactly. A beat. DIANA (confused) Then... how... ? DEE (quickly, she leans over) Promise you won't tell? DIANA Uh... of course. Dee leans over and whispers into Diana's ear. The whispering goes on for a full ten seconds, with Diana's expression becoming gradually more and more horrified as a result. Finally, Dee stops and sits back down, a small smile on her face. Diana sits still, stunned. A few beats as Diana just stares at the table. Dee sips on her beer. Diana finally looks up. DIANA (softly) How could you... DEE (interrupting) It's much easier than you think, actually. (holding up one finger) Watch. Dee procedes to open her mouth as wide as possible. Diana, her stare transfixed, opens her eyes wider and wider as Dee's mouth goes wider. Finally, she breaks from her trance. DIANA That's enough! Dee stops. Diana mutters something to herself. DIANA (muttering) ...disgusting. Dee shrugs. Diana continues to look at her double with disgust. She looks around the room, nervously, trying to regain her composure. After a few moments, she finally does. She looks at Dee with a new firmness. DIANA Alright, Dee. Just tell me one thing... why? WHY would you want to be like that? Dee looks up at her. All traces of the token smile fade away. Her eyes convey the severity of the moment... and of the question. Both remain silent for a long beat. EXT. LAWN OF FRATERNITY HOUSE - SUNSET The sun is nearly down now. The three GUYS and Mallory are tossing around the ball. PHI LEADER So, where you from? Mallory catches the ball and pauses. He tosses it again, talking as he does so. MALLORY Oh, you know... I live around here. PHI LEADER On campus? MALLORY Yeah. PHI LEADER Really? Where? A beat. Mallory pauses again before answering. MALLORY Just one of the dorms. The phi leader catches the ball and stops. The other two guys walk up beside him. PHI LEADER Then what the hell made you think you could play ball with us? Mallory is taken aback. His face falls from a polite smile to a moment of shock, then to his typical sarcastic resolve. MALLORY Sorry. Maybe I didn't realize how close-minded and stuck-up the Greeks are. The three start advancing on him. He stands his ground. PHI LEADER What the hell is your name? Mallory speaks, firmly and proudly. MALLORY Quinn Mallory. The three stop. They look to one another, only slightly amused. PHI LEADER Quinn Mallory? MALLORY Yeah. You got a problem with that? The three guys turn around, facing away from Mallory. Mallory maintains his resolve. PHI LEADER (quietly, to other two) Take him. They turn and run towards Mallory. Mallory tries to turn and run himself, but they tackle him on the ground, and bring him up, each one holding him on a side. He struggles, but to no avail. The phi leader leads the way towards the frat house. FADE OUT END ACT I OPEN ACT II FADE IN INT. FRAT HOUSE - SUNSET Through the windows, it's clear that the sun has gone over the horizon by now. Mallory is dragged in and thrown onto a table in the lobby. Other frat guys run up and immediately start tying him down. The PHI LEADER is nowhere to be seen. MALLORY What the hell is goin' on here?! In walks a figure in a brown robe, with a hood covering his face. The other guys stand to the side of Mallory, at attention. Mallory is now fully tied down to the table and somewhat surprised by the appearance of this robe fellow. The robed figure pulls down his hood. No surprise -- it's PHI LEADER. Mallory seems unimpressed. MALLORY So. You're a frat druid. (beat) It suits you. The phi leader rolls his eyes. PHI LEADER Do you know why you are here? Mallory just blinks. The phi leader shakes his head. PHI LEADER It's because we know your name. It's because you broke our law. (beat, melodramatically) Quinn Mallory. Member of the Omega Chi Zeta fraternity. You know full well that we are your greatest rivals. And yet... you chose to brand one of ours as your own. And that was your mistake. Mallory looks frustrated as he realizes that they're talking about his alternate. He sighs. MALLORY I'm still not getting you. PHI LEADER (getting angry) You lavaliered a member of our sister sorority! An act that is strictly forbidden! The Tri-Gammas are your sister group, you should've stuck to your own kind. But, instead... (beat, he heaves) ...you branded sister Wade Welles with your letters! Mallory pauses. His face contorts. He knows that name... MALLORY (quietly, in realization) Wade Welles? CUT TO - INT. CHANDLER BAR Maggie and Rembrandt sit at the bar, casually sipping their drinks. Remmy checks his watch. Maggie is looking down into her drink, absent-mindedly running her finger around the rim of the glass. Rembrandt looks over and notices this. REMBRANDT Penny for your thoughts, girl? Maggie's expression does not change. She stays focused on the glass. After a beat... MAGGIE Were you very close to Wade? A beat. Rembrandt looks around, thinking, a little confused where this is coming from. REMBRANDT Like what do you mean? MAGGIE You know... like closer than with Quinn? Rembrandt smiles slightly and shakes his head. REMBRANDT Nah... I wouldn't say I was closer to one or the other. It's was just... different. Maggie nods slowly. Another beat. REMBRANDT Why? Maggie shrugs slightly. MAGGIE I never really knew Wade. REMBRANDT Well, now, hold on there. You were sliding with her, with all of us, for months. MAGGIE Yeah... for all the months that I was closed off from everyone. I mean, we had our times together, sure... some of them good. But, overall, I didn't let her in. I didn't really let much of anyone in. (a beat, she sighs) I barely got to know her by the time that she... She trails off and looks up at Remmy, sadly. MAGGIE I tried not to think about it at the time. But as Quinn told me more and more about her... and the professor... you know, I felt as though I really lost a friend in Wade. A friend that I knew, but I never really had. (beat) And the only person I can blame for that is ME. Maggie looks down sadly and shuts her eyes. Rembrandt puts an arm around her. Maggie shakes her head. MAGGIE I'm sorry... I'm sorry. It's just that... what with Quinn, and Colin... I don't know. Believe me, I feel like we're going to get them back. I really do. And when we do, I hope they're okay. (beat) It's just that thinking about them makes me think about everyone we've lost. Even though Quinn taught me what a wonderful man he was, I never got to know the professor. I never had a chance to. But I could've been closer with Wade. I had my chance with her... and I blew it. (sighs) She must've hated me. Rembrandt shakes his head. REMBRANDT Wade didn't hate anyone. There wasn't a hateful bone in her body. Listen. If she was able to forgive me... for leaving her like that, and ignoring her in that damn 'magg prison... (a beat, he gnaws at his lip) Well, dammit. She didn't hate me for that, so she couldn't have hated you. Maggie looks sadly at Rembrandt, sympathetic to his guilt over Wade. He may not be completely torn up inside anymore, but he still doesn't have to like what he did. Rembrandt gives Maggie a pat on the shoulder. REMBRANDT Besides. It was understandable. You were under a lot of grief back then... what with your husband and all... you just, you know, put up the walls and defended yourself from being hurt. There's nothing wrong with that. Maggie nods absentmindedly. MAGGIE I just wish I knew her. REMBRANDT My father used to say that we know the dead by how we remember them. Maggie looks up to him. REMBRANDT If you remember Wade as a friend... then that's how you knew her. And how you'll continue to know her. Maggie smiles a little. MAGGIE Why is it you always know something to say... Rembrandt grins back at her. She puts an arm around him. REMBRANDT (grinning) Because, with age comes wisdom... and beauty. Maggie grins now and elbows him lightly in the ribs. MAGGIE You wish. Rembrandt pauses this exchange by pulling out the timer and holding it out, comparing it with his watch. REMBRANDT Looks like we've passed the mark. Actually, a couple minutes past it. Maggie and Rembrandt both turn and look behind them. MAGGIE Well, it doesn't look like they're gonna show up on time. We'd better go looking for them... Rembrandt nods as he gets up. REMBRANDT Yeah. We'd better. CUT TO - INT. FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT Where a party is now raging. Mallory is still strapped to the table, now wearing only a white t-shirt and boxer shorts. His clothes are thrown in the corner, as is the PHI LEADER's robe, since he too now walks around the party in normal attire. Music pumps loudly. Girls come up and tease Mallory, guys run over and pour beer over his body, primarily his crotch. Despite this abuse, Mallory is grinning. He's actually enjoying it. The phi leader is watching him, leaning against a nearby wall, smirking callously. Up to him runs a generic PHI MEMBER. PHI MEMBER (breathlessly) I think we got the wrong guy. PHI LEADER What're you talking about... PHI MEMBER Check this out... He pulls out a yearbook and shows it to the phi leader. He points to one face in a picture of a crowd of suited men. PHI MEMBER That's Quinn Mallory. A beat. The leader shakes his head. PHI LEADER No... it's not. PHI MEMBER Well, the yearbook sure thinks it is. And on top of that, the Omegas are claiming that Quinn is safe and sound. Right now. PHI LEADER They're just trying to make us look stupid. PHI MEMBER And doing a damn good job of it. We're already the laughingstock of the Greek community. The phi leader, finally annoyed, goes into the corner and pulls out Mallory's pants. Reaching into the back pocket, he produces Mallory's wallet and flips it open, showing the phi member the driver's license. PHI LEADER See that? That's Quinn Mallory. It says so right there. (beat, he puts the wallet back) And don't even say what I know you're thinking. No fake I.D. looks that good. We all know that. He tosses the pants into the corner and strides off. The member sighs and goes back to the party. EXT. LAWN OF FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT Rembrandt and Maggie are jogging onto the lawn. Obviously, some time has passed. They both stop and look around the area. MAGGIE This doesn't look good. What'd I say, huh? What'd I tell you? REMBRANDT Don't panic just yet. We can check... About now, he looks over towards the frat house. He hears the loud, booming music and sees the shadows moving about in the windows. He points in the building's direction. REMBRANDT (pointing) There. They both head off towards the frat house. ANGLE CLOSER ON HOUSE As they come up along the side wall. They crouch down and sneak over to the window, hiding just beneath it. Rembrandt gives Maggie a quick signal to stay down as he slowly rises, looking over the windowsill. REMBRANDT'S P.O.V. Looking in through the window, Rembrandt sees Mallory on the table, tied down, stripped to his boxers and t-shirt. The back of Mallory's head is facing the window, so we can't see his reaction to what's going on, but Rembrandt can still see the various alcoholic beverages being dumped upon him. Some girl takes Mallory's head in her hands, and, holding it close to hers, bares her teeth. She's probably drunk. BACK TO 3RD PERSON Rembrandt sits back down and looks to Maggie. REMBRANDT (whispering) Oh, man. I don't know what's going on, but it doesn't look good in there. Maggie takes this moment to slowly peer in herself. MAGGIE'S P.O.V. As she sees more of the same inside. BACK TO 3RD PERSON She sits back down and looks to Remmy. MAGGIE (whispering) What the heck is that? Looks like some kinda weird Greek torture system. REMBRANDT (whispering) Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure out a way to get inside and get him outta there. Looks like he might be in danger. As if on cue, a red van pulls up to the curb of the frat house. Out steps a woman in a skimpy outfit, carrying a box with her. The convenience of her timing isn't lost on Maggie. MAGGIE (softly) And, as if on cue... Over the side of the woman's box, we see other odd outfits hanging out -- feathered, furry, etc. Quickly getting away from the window, Maggie and Rembrandt stand up, and, boldly and openly, walk towards the woman, who pauses in her tracks to regard them. MAGGIE Hi there. We'd like to make you a little offer... The woman is all ears. CUT TO - INT. STUDENT UNION - NIGHT Where Diana and Dee are still sitting at that same table. Their cups are almost entirely empty now, and the mood between them is notably more serious than it was before. Dee, in particular, speaks more slowly and intelligently (though still not on Diana's level), even though she's looking down at the table and fidgeting with her hands as she does so. DEE It's just that I wanted their approval... at any cost, you know? I thought that if I acted like what my dad thought girls should act like, I'd make him proud. And, on top of it, if I used my... um... femininity, to get good grades in school, then, well, I'd make them both even more proud, by being smart. Or at least looking like I was smart... without even having to try hard. Diana nods in understand, her face sad. DIANA I know how it feels to be... unwanted. By your family. You think your family will stick by you no matter what. That's what they're supposed to do, right? I mean, they're your family, for christ's sake. DEE Yeah, they say no one will ever love you like mom. DIANA And that's a scary thought. They exchange a look at this. It's a look of two weary people who have come to understand each other. DIANA Well, you don't have to live up to their expectations. You can be whoever you want to be. It's up to you to realize that, no matter how much they may say you let them down... or how much they may let YOU down... you never have to let YOURSELF down. Dee smiles a little. DEE You know... maybe you've got something there. Diana returns her smile, more ruefully. DIANA Well, I had to learn it the hard way. She checks her watch. Her eyes bug a little, briefly. DIANA Oh, damn... I really have to go! (standing up) I'm sorry to leave like this. It was... really nice meeting you. Diana extends her hand. Dee takes it, using it to pull herself up from her chair. DEE Oh, let me just walk you back to your friends, hm? We can talk a little longer... DIANA I'm really in a hurry... DEE Well, I can hurry, too! Diana realizes now that she's not going to take 'no' for an answer. She sighs and raises her eyebrows a little. DIANA Well, alright, then. Guess I won't be stopping you. DEE (smiling) Damn right! Diana turns and jogs out, followed by Dee. FADE OUT END ACT II BEGIN ACT III FADE IN INT. FRAT HOUSE - NIGHT The phi leader is clapping his hands for attention. The party revelers quiet down. Someone turns down the music. PHI LEADER Thank you. Well, guys, it's time for the moment you've all been waiting for. A large number of cheers and whoops go up from the guys in the room. PHI LEADER Yes, yes. But first, I think we need to adequately prepare our guest. He gestures to Mallory. Mallory looks around curiously, just in time to get grabbed about the head, a black night mask strapped onto his head, followed quickly by a gag that's slipping over his head and into his mouth. He tries to grunt out some cries of protest, but is muffled too quickly. A phi member -- one different from the one we saw earlier -- leans down to Mallory's ear and mumbles something. PHI MEMBER #2 Sorry, pal. No peeps for you. Mallory lets out some more grunts of protest. The phi leader smiles at this, a twisted little smile. PHI LEADER Good. (beat) And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you, without further adieu... Ms. Tawny Mackiner! He raises one arm to a doorway off the side of the room. The guys in the room raise up their booze and whoop. Some of the girls boo. And from the side door, in walks... MAGGIE, wearing some sort of weird black frilly swimsuit, barefoot, and smiling politely to the crowd, a smile that looks more like she's gritting her teeth in pain than actually feeling any pleasure about this. A GUY on the side of the room slaps a CD into a stereo. As cheap techno starts pouring out the speakers, he raises his fist and yells out to her. GUY Dance, baby, whoo!! And she does... well, sort of. Actually, she does a pretty terrible job of it, sort of bopping to the music in place, occasionally swaying to her side, swinging her arms left and right in the air, and looking miserably uncomfortable the whole time. The crowd of drunk guys seems oblivious to the quality of her work, though. They raise up their booze again and whoop some more. Out in the crowd, one girl elbows her shoutin' guy hard in the stomach, and he doubles over. ANGLE ON - BACK OF CROWD The entire room is focused on Maggie, save for Mallory who's still blind and tied up. He lies still, hearing the shouts around him, defeated. Rembrandt creeps up beside him and leans down, talking into his ear. REMBRANDT (whispering) We're getting you out of here. Mallory reacts to this, shifting his position a little, tugging at his bonds. Rembrandt gets to work on untying him. BACK TO FRONT Meanwhile, back in the front of the room, Maggie is hamming it up a little more. She points out to random guys in the crowd and winks, provoking more screams. She steps from side to side, raising her arms in the air and spinning for the audience. She's actually smiling a little now. She's still awful, but the crowd loves her more than ever. One guy walks up to her and reaches out with a $10, pulling on the right breast portion of her outfit with his other hand in order to slip it in next to her breast. Maggie immediately reacts, punching the guy hard in the face with a left hook. He falls over, out cold. She kicks him on the ground for good measure. MAGGIE Pervert. The crowd quiets noticably. The phi leader puts down his beer. PHI LEADER What the hell kind of stripper are you, anyway? Maggie's eyes are focused behind him, watching as Rembrandt undoes the last of Mallory's bonds. ANGLE ON - BACK OF CROWD As Rembrandt helps Mallory to his feet, pulling off the mask, and, finally, the gag. REMBRANDT (quiet, gesturing for the exit) C'mon! Grab your clothes and let's run! MALLORY But... REMBRANDT (a little louder) Let's go! Mallory complies, quickly snatching up his clothes from the corner just as the guys in the back of the crowd, who just heard Rembrandt, turn around to see what's going on. One of these OBSERVANT GUYS reacts, slowly, yelling in drunken slur. OBSERVANT GUY (pointing) Hey! The rest of the crowd turns around, away from Maggie, in time to see Mallory and Rembrandt slipping out the door. PHI LEADER (angry) Dammit! The crowd moves towards the door, moving around the table that Mallory was once tied to. They stand there, not sure what to do next. Maggie walks up to her newly relocated audience, specifically next to the phi leader. She taps his shoulder. MAGGIE Hey. The phi leader spins around, only to get a kick in the groin from Maggie. He doubles over in pain, giving Maggie the opportunity to put her hands on his head and literally vault over him, onto the table where Mallory was bonded. From there, she kicks one guy in the head and jumps off of the table again, over him, to reach the corner where the phi leader's ceremonial robe now sits. Snatching it up, she bolts for the door as fast as she can. The phi leader stands up once more and points to the door. PHI LEADER (angry) Well, c'mon! Get the hell out... CUT TO - EXT. LAWN OF FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT Where Maggie is running out onto the grass, pulling the brown robe quickly over her head to cover her ridiculous outfit. MAGGIE (continued, shouting) ...here! I'm here! Guys, wait up! Further up ahead, Rembrandt and Mallory are trying to escape, with Mallory attempting to hop into his pants. Thanks to that, they're not moving too fast, and Maggie catches up. As soon as she does, Mallory is finished, and they all start off at full speed, with Rembrandt shouting back to her. REMBRANDT Just a few minutes until the slide! MAGGIE Where's Diana?! Soon, the crowd from the fraternity lobby begins to pile out of the doors, running after them across the lawn. EXT. STREET - NIGHT Our heroes are into the road in front of the frat house now, and still running. After a few beats they start to talk some more as they run. MAGGIE (to Mallory) I'll go to hell, face the Kromaggs, and kiss Logan St. Clair while I'm there before I go through THAT for YOU again! MALLORY What the hell's goin' on, anyway?! I was just gettin' a little hazed when... REMBRANDT (interrupting, annoyed) You mean to tell me that what we just saw wasn't you in mortal danger?! MALLORY No! They round the bend into an alley... EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT Where they come face-to-face with roughly 25 fraternity guys. THEY ALL PULL OUT AUTOMATICS. MALLORY (to Rembrandt) Okay, THIS is me in mortal danger. OMEGA LEADER (to Mallory) Awfully close to Omega territory, aren't ya, Phi? MALLORY I'm not a... Suddenly, Diana and Dee fly around the corner and into the alley. The other three turn to face her as the Omega frats all point their guns at them. They both screech to a halt, Dee flinging up her hands in front of her face and screeching. DIANA (as she rounds the corner) Hey guys, we saw you -- WHOA! DEE Don't shoot! The Omega leader smiles. OMEGA LEADER Dee? (beat) Uh, is ONE of you Dee? Dee lowers her hands and looks at him. DEE Oh! Yeah, it's me. She waves innocently. The omega leader talks to her, still giving Diana weird looks. OMEGA LEADER Shouldn't you be working on the float with the rest of the Tri-Gams? What're you doing with THESE creeps? DEE They're my friends. I think. At least (pointing at Diana) she is! OMEGA LEADER You mean they're not... Interrupting, around the corner comes a mass of Phis, all whipping out automatics as they do so! Soon, there's 25 guys on each side, everyone holding autos towards the other group... with Maggie, Diana, Remmy, Mallory and Dee all stuck in the middle. They look quite a bit anxious. Rembrandt reaches into his coat. All the frats point their guns at him. He stops. REMBRANDT It's okay! I'll do it nice and slow. He pulls out the timer. REMBRANDT See? Just a remote. The frats calm and go back to pointing their guns at each other. MALLORY Could somebody please explain to me why all these Greeks have AKs?! Members of both frats look at him like he's an idiot. Dee leans over to him, whispering. DEE (whispering) Typical rival frat stuff. Where you been? Mallory looks up at both groups nervously. He's sweating at the sight of 50 different guns on him. The others aren't doing any better. MALLORY (nervously) Uh... Canada. (he swallows) We're... from Canada. OMEGA LEADER (to phi leader) What the hell are you doing so close to our house? PHI LEADER What the hell are YOU doing letting your members steal our girls? OMEGA LEADER Our members make their own damn decisions. It's not your place to judge what girls our guys can go with. PHI LEADER Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear. See, your Quinn Mallory... (lowering his gun, gesturing to Mallory) ...over here was going to get our letters carved in his gut when the night was through. Maybe that would've gotten you the message. Mallory gets dirty looks from Diana, Maggie, and Rembrandt. Sheepishly, he smiles a little and shrugs. MALLORY Uh... guess I was wrong about that harmless beer-bash hazing... huh? OMEGA LEADER (to Phi Leader) First of all, that's not Quinn Mallory. Quinn's out tonight... with Wade. ANGLE ON - PHI LEADER Who seethes at this remark. ANGLE ON - REMBRANDT AND MAGGIE Who share a look of surprised recognition at the mention of Wade. BACK TO LAST ANGLE OMEGA LEADER And second, you stupid son of a... The phi leader raises his gun again. PHI LEADER Shut up. Rembrandt sees it. REMBRANDT DOWN! Rembrandt, Maggie, Diana, Mallory, and even Dee all fall to the concrete as the phi leader FIRES, prompting return fire from the omegas, leading into a flurry of gunfire coming from both sides, flying over the heads of our heroes. As the gunfire shoots back and forth, dropping frat guy upon frat guy, Lying flat on the concrete, Remmy slowly raises his arm into the air, holding the timer. Angling it downwards, he hits the button, and the orange vortex opens up in the ground, swirling between the two gangs. REMBRANDT (shouting over the gunfire) C'MON! Some of the members of both gangs stop their shooting to stare in wonder at the vortex. Unfortunately, those who stop shooting are quickly shot and dropped by those too into the firefight to notice. Rembrandt crawls over and falls into the vortex, followed by Mallory, then Maggie. Shooting a friendly and quick final wave to Dee, Diana crawls in last. All at once, the gunfire dies down, as the last frat guy on each side manages to hit the other simultaneously. Now there's no one from either gang left standing. Dee is still huddled on the ground, staring at the vortex. Still staring, she slowly gets up, just in time to see it close up. She looks around to the bodies of the various frat guys. Some are dead, some are merely injured, barely stirring. She shakes her head at the horrible sight. DEE Whoa... Then, she turns her head back to the spot in the ground where the vortex just closed up. Amidst the devastation around her, a tiny smile manages to appear on her face. She stares at the ground as though she can still see it before her. She's awestruck. DEE Whoa. And we... FADE TO BLACK CLOSING CREDITS END